Fall in loveCan be exciting and exciting, but for many people it is also scary. After all, it is not an easy task to trust someone with your heart. What is if you are broken? If you are afraid of lovefrom vulnerability,get injured, Abandonment or failure. In extreme cases, this fear can show as a philophobia, where immense fear and considerable mental or physical strain (chest pain, breathing difficulties, nausea, panic) have thoughts to fall in love and maintain.These overwhelming and sometimes weak symptoms are far from the usual short and fleeting moments of concern according to romantic what-if scenarios.
What is philophobia?
Philophobia is the extreme fear of falling in love, establishing an emotional connection and maintaining this connection. It can be a form of binding disorder that can lead to social isolation, drug abuse or depression.
Regardless of theScope of their fearIt does not have to be permanent: there are different ways to overcome and allow yourself to experience joy with someone you are interested in, to learn how to let go, you first have to learn what you can get to hold on.Some of us push the love away because we were broken with a broken heart too often, but for others the problem is more complex.Feelings will not be returned?
There is no simple answer. Our relationships with love are often unique for ourselves, but there are some ways to address them to understand these feelings - and - to work through.Ph.D., and clinical psychologistMelissa Ritter, Ph.D., to get their insights into such fears.
Meet the expert
- Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., is the director of research and education at the Glendon Association and a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience. She is the co -author ofConquer your critical inner voice and create a life of meaning and compassion, andSex and love in intimate relationships.
- Melissa Ritter, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with over 15 years of experience. She is the co -editor ofContemporary psychoanalysis in action.
Read on to learn Expert tips to overcome your fear of falling in love and drive your best life forward.
14 relationship goals to strengthen their love
Reasons why they are afraid of love
Most phobias, including philophobia, are really only defense mechanisms that the brain has set up to avoid pain - and that is true fear. The more fret.Emotional connectionThese experiences are usually based on the binding. In the formative years (or later in life) feelings of painful abandonment would be available, an aversion to proximity to others could lead to adulthood because they are afraid to rethink this pain.
The openness of a person to relationships with others actually begins with their relationship with their relationshipitself,Or more precisely how you perceive yourself.perceive, love or affection and fear, which causes someone else pain.
Prescriptive cultural norms and standards in relation to relationships and marriage can be the cause of great fear, especially for those who do not meet these expectationsWhen should relationships beginhow to behave in a relationship and with whom you should start a relationship and stigms that are connected to those that deviate from the norm can influence the openness to entry into relationships.
How you can overcome your fear of love
Be honest with yourself why you are afraid
First of all, see if you can identify the root of your fears. Ask you why you are afraid to fall in love. Seals honestly with your answers: this is about making your life better.So if you avoid the difficult parts, you can only injure yourself. Fortunately, there is no one with whom you are vulnerable, except for you, so you are not afraid to think deeply. It is likely that you are not afraid of theLove themselves, but rather internalized the fears of loss or emotional pain, for example they wereinjured in the pastAnd the thought of loving someone again feels scary?Do you tend to keep others in the distance? Are you concerned about shared your full self with another person?
"We tend to believe that the more we take care of, the more we can be hurt. The way we were injured in previous relationships have a strong impact on how we perceive the people we come close", says Firestone."as well asHow we act in our romantic relationships."It is normal to protect ourselves, but it is more important to ensure that we protect ourselvesFrom the right peopleIf you push away from everyone who is interested in you, you have the possibility that you will miss a great experience.Try to determine the specific reasons why you are afraid of love and identify your reasons to feel like this.
Question with realistic what what: What if it works? What if this is not the case and you can heal and can go forward? A therapist can help lead the process if you feel uncomfortable.
Feel your feelings
As soon as you are aware of what your fears caused, let yourself be experienced in full.To make your heart is broken. You are not alone.
"Get to know ourFears of intimacyAnd how you inform our behavior is an important step towards a fulfilling long -term relationship, "says Firestone. There is always a risk when it comes to love. It is an inherent part of the process. If you are afraid to leaveWache, think about your future (and how you should look).
Remember that although you will not be a guarantee forever with one person, a person does not have to be an end: you are still worth love. If one day you can achieve a point where this relationship does not workYou may be about it, take it as an opportunity to do soto meet someoneWho is even more suitable for you in your life at that time?
Work through sadness, disappointment and heartache of previous relationships by talking to friends and family, looking for therapy and concentrating on self -care.
Select a worthy partner
An understandable reason why we are afraid of love is that we only associate it with our previous experiencesNext partnerIs not your ex (so do not expect you to treat you the same). Take a closer look at the people you like but hesitate to let in.How do you treat them? Share the same values? Do you trust each other? Think about whether they are both on the same side.
Check out an annoying feeling of self -doubt aside and take a look at the relationship as a whole. If you respect this person and think that you may fit you well, do not push it away.to know that you canTrust themWith your heart - do not write it down from the start.
"Despite our self -protecting measures," says Ritter, "we still long for this irresistible someone. It is absolutely scary, buttalso exciting, alive and, in my view, the meaning of everything."
Know that it is okay to be vulnerable
It can be difficult to really beopen and honestwith another person. During the continued fear of being loved, they take steps to entrust themselves to this person (and be a bitvulnerable) .Emotional intimacy is important to be close to those who are important to them.
"None of us want to lose our (imaginary) authority about our emotions. Inferbies reminds the Ushat 'reason'-The misguided basis of the council to be self-harm, which aims at romantic love-irrelevantTo many aspects of our emotional life, "says Ritter.
If you are self -sufficient, you may have the feeling that you don't need advice from a partner. You don't necessarily have to take it, but opening your relationship should be your relationship.are used to relying on someone else, it is time to startRemove the barriersThey have built up.
Understand that it takes time
If you overcome your fears of being in love, it will not happen overnight. It is a marathon - not a sprint. The most important thing is that you do not have to dive directly as soon as you feel the sparks for someone. It is probably a good ideatoTake things slowly. This gives you the time you need to process your feelings, weigh up the values of the relationship and build up a basis for trust.
An exciting process can be in love if you can be experienced yourself and when you are finally willing to take the risk, you will find that the reward is worth it.
Are you ready to have a serious relationship?