No contact does not always work.
Whether it works (especially in short-term relationships) really depends on why she broke up with you.
Times when the no contact rule can work
Here are 2 examples of when the no contact rule can work after a short-term relationship has ended:
1. She broke up with you to see if you chase after her and get desperate
Sometimes a woman just isn't sure whether to keep investing in her new boyfriend or break up with him and find someone she can be more confident with.
Although she cares about her new boyfriend, certain aspects of his thinking and behavior make her wonder if he really is the right man for her.
For example: She decides to nag a bit in a relationship with a man (e.g. she's always complaining, making unnecessary drama about irrelevant things) to see if he can stand up to her in a dominant but loving way.
But instead of standing up to her and putting her back in her place in a loving way, he makes the mistake of being even nicer and sweeter to her, hoping that by doing so, she'll treat him well.
She had hoped to see that he had the courage to stand up for himself and get her to respect him, but he failed that test.
Now she feels she is the more dominant in the relationship, which causes her to feel sexually repulsed by him.
she starts to think"He's just too nice all the time. No matter how bad I behave, he just lets me get away with it. Maybe it's because he's scared I'll drop him. Why isn't he more convinced of his worth to me? Why does he have to doubt himself like that? Maybe he's not the right one for me after all. Maybe I'm too good for him. I wish it wasn't, but I have to follow my heart. My heart tells me he was probably lucky with me and he knows it.”
Then she breaks up with him and waits to see how he will react.
When he becomes desperate and starts chasing her in needy ways, she will choose to leave him for good because it reassures her that she is probably just too good for him.
On the other hand, if she accepts the breakup, says goodbye, and doesn't contact her for a week, then it may impress her and make her want to hear from him.
In such a case, the no-contact rule can work.
By the way: You don't have to wait 30 or 60 days to contact them.
7 days is more than enough because it proves the point (meaning you're not frantically chasing it).
In a case like this, your ex is just testing if you lose your confidence and hand over all your power to her (i.e., hit on her, promise to change what she wants).
So if you ignore her and focus on living a fun, happy life without her for a week and then let her find out via social media and/or mutual friends, she will naturally look up to you with respect again.
She will then begin to feel attraction and love for you, drop her guard and open up to giving the relationship another chance.
Another example of when the no contact rule can work after a short-term relationship ends is when…
2. She's still very much in love with you but is afraid of getting hurt if she commits
Sometimes a woman falls in love with a man very quickly (e.g. they've only been dating a few weeks and she already envisions moving in with him, marrying him, or having a baby with him).
This can make her panic (especially if she is inexperienced in relationships or has been badly hurt by another man before) and she may start thinking:"I can't risk being hurt again. I need to break up with him before it gets too serious and I end up heartbroken. It's probably for the best that I just stay single. I hate it when my heart is broken."
She breaks up with him before he can break up with her to protect herself from possibly being hurt by him in the future.
If this is the case between you and your ex, the no contact rule may work on her.
Not hearing from you for 1-3 weeks will give her enough time to realize how much she loves and misses you.
She might then start thinking something like:"I want him back. I can't take the pain of not having him in my life anymore. I screwed up. I allowed my fear of being hurt to ruin the best relationship I've ever had. I gotta get him back before he finds a new girl."
She may then try to contact you by texting you to say hello, or happily answering your text or call if you answer.
Times when the no contact rule doesn't work
Here are 7 examples of when the no contact rule doesn't work after breaking up a short-term relationship:
1. She's no longer attracted to you
If a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for a man, then she won't really mind if he ignores her for 30 or 60 days (i.e. the typical amount of time many people ignore their ex). much at all.
This is especially true if the relationship isn't fully established (i.e., relatively new, maybe only a few weeks to a few months old) and she's not fully in love with him yet.
The kind of love you experience in the beginning is very different than falling in love in a way that lasts a lifetime.
New love feels amazing, but properly established, deep love in a long-term relationship is so much stronger and so much harder to let go.
So if your relationship hasn't been properly established, she may not care if you cut ties and will just focus on finding a new man to move on with.
If you want her back, you have a much better chance of getting her back by actively interacting with her (via text, on social media, and most importantly over the phone and in person) and rekindling her feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction you can convey to her during interactions with you, the more open she will be to getting back with you.
However, if you just ignore her when she no longer has strong feelings for you, she probably won't even give you a thought after the first few days.
This is especially true if she's the one who broke up with you and she knew (in her mind) why she left you.
If she knows she felt repelled by you (e.g., because you were insecure), she will remember that and just try to move on with a man who is more confident and emotionally secure.
The next example of when the no contact rule doesn't work after breaking up a short-term relationship is when…
2. She can easily move on without you
If a woman knows that she can easily find a substitute (e.g. she is pretty, many men like her, she knows how to flirt and get men interested) then it will not be a big problem for her, nothing to hear from you .
She knows all she has to do is go on a dating app (e.g. Tinder) or website, go to a bar or nightclub, or pick up a hobby that's mostly male-oriented, and any number of men will turn her on .
She can then make her choices of men for sex, dating, or a relationship.
So while you might be sitting at home counting the days without contact off your calendar (e.g. 30 to 60 days), by the time you contact her she will probably have moved on.
Remember, it's a lot easier to change a woman's feelings when you actively interact with her and make her feel attracted to you again than it is to just cut ties and hope she misses you.
If you walk out of her life when she's not attracted to you, she won't really care.
The next example of when the no contact rule typically doesn't work after a short-term relationship breaks up is when…
3. She is looking for true love
Initially, a woman could start a relationship with a man and enjoy it because the sex between them is great, they have a lot of fun together and he is interesting to hang out with.
However, if all that really exists between them is the spark of a new romance and love doesn't develop over time, at some point she will question whether or not she wants to stay with him for the long haul.
Women know that being genuinely in love with each other is essential to a lifelong relationship.
However, it is not enough if the man really loves her.
It has to be mutual.
So if a man couldn't get her to really fall in love with him (e.g. because he was too insecure), then eventually a woman will come to the point where she will break up with him.
She will then try to find a new man who can lead him and her to deeper feelings of love over time until they are truly inseparable and then stay together for life.
She won't feel the need to get back to her ex just because he doesn't contact her.
She wants to experience true love and find a relationship that can last a lifetime.
However, not all women are like that, which is why the next example is also very important to understand…
3. She enjoys being single and will not chase a guy back
Some women don't want to commit themselves.
They just want to have fun, fall in love, break up and be free for many years until maybe someday they decide to settle down.
For now, though, she may be enjoying the freedom of being able to...
- Stay out late partying with your single friends.
- Having sex with another guy whenever she wants.
- No compromises on what she wants to do.
- Have no relationship obligations.
- Date whoever she wants, whenever she wants.
- Be irresponsible with her life and just focus on having fun.
So, instead of missing her ex and wanting him back if he doesn't contact her, she will just move on with enjoying life without him.
Then, after 30 to 60 days, when he calls her to try to get her back, there's a good chance she'll say something like:"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I prefer to be single. i am having so much fun So, look... maybe there's a chance we can get back together sometime in the future. But no, I don't want a relationship. I wish you all the best."
Then he just wasted 30 or 60 days sitting around hoping that she would miss him and run back to him.
Still, she just got on with her life and might have hooked up with a new guy or guys, not caring that her ex didn't contact her.
5. She's had a lot of experience with breakups and knows the pain will pass
When a woman experiences breakups, she will know that no matter how sad, lonely, and depressed she may feel because her ex is not contacting her, those feelings will eventually fade.
Rather than letting his silence get to her, she usually focuses on doing things that will help her get over him even faster (like spending more time with her single friends and flirting with guys).
Then, after a few weeks or months, when her ex contacts her, she may have healed enough to say something like:"I'm sorry, but it's too late for us now. I really thought you cared about me, but not hearing from you all this time made me realize we weren't made for each other. I'm over you now so please don't call me again."
Another example where cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days is unlikely to work is if…
6. She doesn't think you will change
When a woman gets the feeling that her ex can't change or doesn't even know how or what to change (e.g. to be like that), she won't waste time thinking about him if he stops after her breakup , to contact You.
Instead, she will focus on getting over him completely and opening up to meeting a new man.
After wasting 30 or 60 days waiting in the background (while she most likely moves), he will then attempt to contact her.
If she responds and is willing to talk to him, she'll quickly realize that he really hasn't changed (i.e. he's still not emotionally manly enough. He's still too insecure), and then things get even harder than before to get her back.
So, if you want your ex back, you need to make some attractive changes in the way you think and behave first.
Get ready to dress her right again based on the new and improved man you've become.
Then interact with her and let her experience it.
By the way…
You don't have to waste 30 or 60 days for this.
If you keep learning from me here at The Modern Man, you'll get it done within a few days and then be ready to contact her, or in a week if you're willing to wait that long.
However, you don't have to wait 1-2 months before making a move.
If you wait that long to contact her and start the ex-back process, she will most likely move on without you.
Another example of when the no contact rule doesn't work so well is when…
7. She knows you don't understand what she really wants in a guy
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy without really telling him exactly what put her off.
She might just say, "I think we shouldn't see each other anymore," or "I don't have feelings for you anymore. Let's just be friends" to end the relationship.
What she doesn't tell him, however, is that...
- He was confident when she met him, but after a while he began to doubt his attractiveness to her and became more needy and clingy as a result. This put her off because she wants a confident man who believes in his attractiveness and worth to her.
- She was attracted to him because he was nice and sweet, but soon realized that he wasn't manly enough for her. She wants a guy who's good to her, but will also make her be good to him. She doesn't want a guy chasing after her all the time.
- The spark between them quickly faded and he made her feel like a sexy, desirable woman and treated her like a neutral friend. She wants a man who has the ability to keep the spark alive (e.g. by being very confident and making her feel girly compared to his masculine aura and demeanor).
- He put a lot of effort into chasing her and getting her to be his girl and it was fun at first but she got bored quickly. She wants a guy who's more of a challenge, so she feels the need to impress him as well, instead of making it so one-sided.
So when her ex uses the no contact rule to hopefully get her back, he doesn't.
She just doesn't care enough about losing him because she knows he doesn't even understand how to attract her in the way that really matters to her.
When the no contact rule can backfire
The goal of the no contact rule is to hopefully make your ex miss you like crazy and want you back.
But that's not how it works most of the time.
In fact, in most cases, doing so will do a guy more harm than good.
1. If he uses the no-contact approach for so long, he develops insecurities
- He begins to feel unworthy of her, believing that the reason she isn't contacting him is because she's too good for him.
- He loses confidence in his attractiveness to other women because he begins to see them as hard to get or hard to keep.
- He ends up thinking of his ex as"the one that got away"and believes that his relationship life will never be happy with a new woman or that he will never get his ex back.
Don't let this guy be you.
Be a man of action and take it back now.
Do not use the no contact rule for more than 3 to 7 days.
Get the job done fast.
Waiting longer than a week is usually a waste of time and can make you lose faith every day that she won't get back to you or come back.
2. Don't move before it's too late
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex, it's unlikely she'll wait forever for him to contact her, right?
She will continue.
At first she might long for him and even be very sad that he doesn't call her, but after a while she just starts thinking things like:"Well, he obviously doesn't care for me the way I care for him. I think it's really over between us and I need to stop putting myself through this pain. It's time for me to accept the truth that he won't call me. He probably met someone else and forgot all about me. So I have to stop holding back and move on.”
She will then make an effort to get over you completely, by going out when invited by her single friends or co-workers, or by dating and hooking up with new men and getting a new boyfriend.
3. He doesn't improve his ability to attract her the next time he interacts with her
When a guy applies the no contact rule and ends up calling his ex, she usually won't be thrilled to meet him if he's still offering her the same old attraction experience as before (e.g. he's still not very confident, she can still dominate him during a conversation).
So she doesn't feel motivated to get back together with him and then rejects him.
Then the thinking is,"What happened? Why didn't No Contact work? Why doesn't she want me back? I figured I just had to ignore her for 30 or 60 days and it would do!?"
The reason it didn't work is because he used the same old approach to attraction that got him dumped in the first place.
So to them, he's still the same guy he was 30 (or 60) days ago (e.g., insecure, emotionally immature, cowardly, and dimwitted).
He just isn't able to get her to have the kind of feelings she wants to feel.
So she rejects him.
Here's the thing...
If you want to win your ex back, make sure you use the time in between to change and improve quickly (e.g. others, more emotionally masculine, understand exactly how to create a sexual vibe when talking to her).
Then, when you interact with her again, she will have a reason to want to be with you again (i.e., she will now be attracted and attracted to you).
By the way…
Then, after that interaction, if you ignore them for a few days instead of thinking"Cool! I'm glad he's leaving me alone. I can move on without having to get angry with him."she will wonder"Why do I miss him all of a sudden? Why am I so worried about losing him now?”and she will want to interact with you again.
As a result, you can easily get them back.
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Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions. No contact means that at least a temporarily unavailable man or woman has the time to think about the relationship and what might stop them from connecting with you or being emotionally intimate.How long should no contact last if you want to get back together? ›
The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.Is 1 month enough for no contact? ›
Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better. While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different.How long is a short term relationship? ›
As the name implies, short-term dating is dating without the intention of developing the relationship into a long-term partnership. There are many different configurations of short-term dating including a friends-with-benefits situation, a vacation-only fling, and a relationship lasting for a few months.Is 2 months a long time for no contact? ›
How long is the no contact rule? Well, no contact usually lasts for a minimum of 30 consecutive days, but plenty of experts say more like 60 days is better. And some people choose to go as long as 6 months to really make sure they've moved on before letting their ex back in their life.How do you know if a breakup is temporary or permanent? ›
- You haven't moved on. ...
- You still hang out together. ...
- They've been sending you mixed messages. ...
- You're learning how to communicate with your ex. ...
- They reminisce with you. ...
- They reach out during trials. ...
- They ask about you through friends. ...
- You have both been working on your issues.
Whether it's 60 days or no contact for another 30 days. If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it's a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.How long does it take for a dumper to regret? ›
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.What is the hardest day of no contact? ›
What Is The Hardest Day Of No Contact? Immediately after you start it. Limited no contact breaks. The day/s where you aren't hearing from them.How long is too long no contact? ›
60+ Days for No Contact – Getting Out There In The Dark Zone
Indeed, being separated for that long could have adverse effects on the viability of the relationship. So if you are thinking of having a really long no contact period, in excess of 50 or 60 days, you may want to reconsider and dial it back in.
So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.Is 3 weeks long enough for no contact? ›
How long is the no contact rule? Well, no contact usually lasts for a minimum of 30 consecutive days, but plenty of experts say more like 60 days is better. And some people choose to go as long as 6 months to really make sure they've moved on before letting their ex back in their life.How long before he misses me with no contact? ›
Today I'm going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule. Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.How do you end a short term relationship? ›
- End the relationship as soon as you know it can't go on. ...
- Break up in person. ...
- Be honest about your feelings. ...
- Be clear and certain about your reasons for breaking up. ...
- Take responsibility for your decision. ...
- Listen to the other person, without defending yourself. ...
- Break off the relationship cleanly.
- Ditch your breakup timeline. ...
- Don't be so hard on yourself. ...
- Remember: there are no rules about how you should feel. ...
- Take time to grieve the loss. ...
- Don't expect to feel better overnight. ...
- Try to stop romanticizing the relationship.
DTR is an acronym that means define the relationship. Used in chat and texting, it implies a critical point in a relationship in which one person wants clear answers from the other.Will no contact make him miss me? ›
Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.What is he thinking after 3 weeks of no contact? ›
After weeks of no word, he might begin to panic about losing you. He's been hoping and hoping you'll talk to him, but now he's realizing he'll be a permanent ex if he doesn't do something. He'll reflect deeply and, if he wants you back, make a plan to win you over.Will no contact work if he lost feelings? ›
Only then do you create an environment where an ex wants to revisit things with you. So, if that's the function of your no contact rule then yes, the no contact rule can work if he lost feelings for you. It can work on a lot of levels.What is the most common month for breakups? ›
dumped. December might be a time for joy and goodwill – but it's also the most popular time for couples to break up.
Did you know that 70 percent of straight unmarried couples breakup within the first year? This is according to a longitudinal study by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld who tracked more than 3,000 people, married and unmarried straight and gay couples since 2009 to find out what happens to relationships over time.How do you know if your breakup was a mistake? ›
You always try to get their attention
The usual expectation after a breakup is to move on, but not in all situations. One sign of regret breakup is when you try to make them feel jealous. This action may be unconscious, but the point is that you want them to notice you and regret not being you.
Why Does No Contact Work To Get Your Ex Back? Of course, there are no guarantees you will get your ex back, even with the indefinite no-contact technique. However, going no-contact while suffering breakup grief is the only thing to do if you want your ex back.Is no contact really the best way? ›
No Contact is a technique that is effective because it helps people to stop thinking about each other and allows them to focus on themselves. It might feel challenging, but it's a constructive way of dealing with a painful situation.Does no contact work on stubborn man? ›
In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people. While I'm not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.Does silence make the dumper miss you? ›
Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.Do dumpers feel remorse later? ›
Both the dumper and dumpee experience a range of emotions after a breakup. Dumper's remorse doesn't happen in all relationships, but there's a good chance that your ex experiences some uncertainty and regret after ending things.Who moves on faster after a breakup? ›
There's a reason for this, according to new data from Match's Singles in America survey: Guys just get over breakups faster. Match surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and found that half of dudes are over a rejection in a month, while the average woman takes four months to get over it.What does no contact do to a man? ›
The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
- Write a letter to yourself.
- Give yourself room to grieve.
- Make a list of the bad things your ex did.
- Start a self-care list.
- Have a breakup buddy.
- Work on yourself.
- Start a new hobby.
- Give yourself some structure.
At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months. The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up.What to do when dumper reaches out? ›
- Think about how it will affect you. ...
- If you're currently dating someone, you should consider their feelings. ...
- Take your time responding. ...
- Keep your response light. ...
- Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound. ...
- Be open and honest with them.
Sure, you might need some space from each other. That approach could be very beneficial. But if you were to implement No Contact fully, it is bound to backfire.Is 21 days long enough for no contact? ›
Well, no contact usually lasts for a minimum of 30 consecutive days, but plenty of experts say more like 60 days is better. And some people choose to go as long as 6 months to really make sure they've moved on before letting their ex back in their life.What makes a guy miss you more? ›
Simply be courteous and keep some physical distance between you two whenever you meet. Let him have his space but do let him know you miss him once in a while. Remind him of the fun things you did together before but not anymore. Communicate instead of giving the cold shoulder, hoping to send a message.How do you know if a guy is heartbroken? ›
If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.How long does a guy know you're the one? ›
The average American man knows after seven months of dating if his partner is “the one,” according to new research.Can I text my ex after 2 weeks of no contact? ›
Yes, you can just continue the no contact period indefinitely, but sending a message like this helps provide closure. If your ex was harboring hopes of getting back together, it'll help them realize they need to move on as well. Be polite but clear so there's no doubt about what you're saying. “Hope you're doing well.How long before an ex reaches out? ›
Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days. There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.Do guys come back a month after no contact? ›
Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend much time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.
If you are thinking, “Should I wait or should I text him?”, our advice to you would be to wait a bit. The rule is to make him wait twice as long as he took to respond to your text or call. It will make him want you to respond to his texts and messages and he will start to miss you and will call you.How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact? ›
In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.” We're going show you how we came to this conclusion by drawing on our knowledge on, Attachment Styles.Does no contact make them miss you more? ›
Use the no contact rule
Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.
Only then do you create an environment where an ex wants to revisit things with you. So, if that's the function of your no contact rule then yes, the no contact rule can work if he lost feelings for you. It can work on a lot of levels.What no contact does to a man? ›
The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
What Is the No Contact Rule? “The No Contact rule is where you don't call, text, or communicate with an ex in any way after the breakup. It includes not talking to their friends or family about them or the breakup itself,” says dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson.Can a guy miss you but not contact you? ›
Will a guy miss you during no contact? Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality. If you were dating an incredibly stubborn person, it might take months before your ex gives in and reaches out.Does not contacting a guy make him miss you? ›
The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›
He could feel angry or upset. He might think you're being rude or fake, and may even try to confront you about it or get a rebound girlfriend in response. Anger usually gives way to remorse after a few days or weeks and is a normal response to breakups or the silent treatment.How do you know if a breakup is permanent? ›
- You feel better apart than you did together. ...
- Your friends and family haven't been the biggest fans of your ex. ...
- You've already moved onto someone else (or your ex has). ...
- Your relationship was short-lived. ...
- There is a clear misalignment of fundamental values and life goals.