10 differences between keeping your relationship and the secret (2023)

There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your relationship private. However, if you find that you've been consistently silent about your relationship, you may be taking your desire for privacy to the extreme. It's important to consider whether this level of secrecy is healthy for your relationship.

1. You deliberately avoid mentioning your partner

If you consistently refer to events and experiences as "I" instead of "we," even when your partner was involved, it may be a sign that you are overly secretive about your relationship. While it's natural to want to retain some individuality in a relationship, it can be unhealthy and dishonest to constantly hide the fact that you're in a relationship. It's important to consider whether this level of secrecy is necessary and healthy for your relationship.

2. You say you're single when asked about your relationship status

There's no need to give a detailed account of your relationship if someone asks if you're seeing someone. However, it's dishonest and disrespectful to lie to your partner and say you're single when you're not. It is not acceptable to lie about your relationship status, whether to gain attention or to avoid judgment from others. It's important to be honest with your partner and consider their feelings in these situations.

3. You're active on social media, but there's no sign of your S.O

It's understandable if you don't want to share every aspect of your life on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. However, if you regularly share pictures and thoughts with the world, it is unusual for your significant other not to be present on any of your social media profiles. Of course it's different if your partner has asked you not to post anything about them, but in general it's weird to post personal details but not mention your longtime love partner.

4. Nobody in your social circle has interacted with your partner

If you've been in a relationship for a year and your partner hasn't met your friends or family, consider why that might be the case. While long-distance relationships can make it difficult to introduce a partner to loved ones, it's unusual for a serious couple to not have introduced themselves to their inner circle after a few months. It's possible that the circumstances weren't right yet, but if you've been in a committed relationship for a long time, it may be worth considering why you're hiding your partner from loved ones.

5. You refer to your boyfriend or girlfriend with a more platonic term

If you introduce your romantic partner to others only as a "friend" and switch from using pet names to more platonic terms when others are around, it suggests that you keep your relationship a secret and not just private. If you're not ready to use labels yet, you can simply introduce your partner by their first name and explain that you're dating when someone asks about your relationship. This is how you can be honest without downplaying your partner's importance in your life.

More signs your relationship isn't private, it's a secret

1. You hide your partner's social media activities about you

It's one thing if you're not particularly active on social media, but it can be concerning when you start removing yourself from photos and updates your partner is posting. If you have specific concerns about appearing in photos on social media or being tagged in certain situations, it's important to talk about it with your partner. If you don't, it can appear like you're trying to hide the fact that you're in a relationship. It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to avoid misunderstandings

2. You're taking your anti-PDA attitude to the extreme

It's normal to have boundaries when it comes to public displays of affection, and not everyone wants to be overly physical in public. However, actively avoiding any physical interaction with your partner that might indicate your relationship is more than platonic can seem odd. It's important to find a balance that works for you and your partner and to be open about your boundaries.

3. You treat your partner like a "brother" in public.

It's not uncommon for couples to have both a close friendship and a romantic relationship, and it's perfectly fine to engage in playful banter or exchange gestures of support in public. However, if the only interactions you are willing to have in public are the same as you would have with your platonic friends, this can appear as a poorly disguised attempt to hide your romantic relationship. This can make your partner uncomfortable and undermine the meaning of your relationship. It's important to be genuine and authentic in your interactions with your partner, both publicly and privately.

4. Your mysterious ways are one-sided

If you and your partner have agreed that you don't want to make your relationship public, then it's important to respect each other's boundaries and avoid physical or other forms of intimacy in public. However, if you haven't had that conversation and are going against your partner's wishes by pretending your relationship is a secret, chances are they don't like that behavior. It's important to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings and to respect their boundaries.

5. Nobody is really sure if you are in a relationship or not

Even if you prefer to keep your love life private, it's usually no secret to have close friends and family when you're in a serious relationship. If the people closest to you consistently don't seem to know your relationship status, it's possible that they're not paying close attention, or that you need to be more explicit in telling them that you're in a committed relationship. It is important to communicate clearly with your loved ones about your relationship status to avoid misunderstandings

Benefits of keeping your relationship private

It's natural to want to keep certain details about your relationship private, but being overly secretive about your partner or your relationship can be seen as shady. However, being cautious and keeping certain aspects of your relationship private can be beneficial to long-term potential.

1. There's so much less pressure

If others know more about your relationship, they're likely to have more opinions about it as well. Keeping your relationship private allows you to avoid outside interference and allows you and your partner to face problems and challenges on your own. It keeps the focus on both of you and can help strengthen your bond.

2. You don't get lost in superficial things

Couples who constantly post about each other on social media seem to rely too much on external validation and may not have a strong, genuine connection. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly can cost valuable personal time with your partner if you spend too much time posting on social media. A healthy, private relationship is often more fulfilling and satisfying.

3. You can think more clearly

If others don't know much about your relationship, they're less likely to offer unsolicited advice or interfere in your decisions. This can give you the space to process your own feelings and make decisions that are best for you and your partner. Maintaining privacy in your relationship can help you stay focused and clear-headed.

4. You can't compare yourself to anyone

Comparing your relationship with others can be harmful and lead to feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Every couple is unique and what works for one may not work for the other. By keeping your relationship private, you can resist the temptation to compare yourself to others and instead focus on what works for you as a couple. As clinical psychologist Dr. As Carla Marie Manly points out, constantly comparing your relationship to others can be detrimental to your mental health and the health of your relationship. Protecting your privacy can help you maintain a positive and healthy attitude towards your own relationship.